Apesar de não me faltarem emoções, despedidas não costumam ser tão difíceis. Acho que tem a ver com o desapego, o que não exclui afetividade, emotividade e carinho. Só que nunca me veio nenhuma vontade de chorar ao dizer tchau para pessoas, para lugares. Já doeu muito, mas sempre com um fundo mais racional. Como, na primeira vez que fui para Cavalcante, não queria voltar por nada no mundo. Mas isso pois não tinha mais vontade alguma de fazer faculdade de Letras e seguir a vida que tinha há um ano, e só percebi após alguns meses de aula, logo antes de largar. Não era uma coisa grande com a cidade em si, era só o contraste com o que eu não queria, mesmo.
Eu ainda nutro aquela coisa linda, com orgulho e amor pelo Brasil. Mas o Brasil não teve nada a ver com a dificuldade de sair do Camboja. Disse tchau para o Dan e para a Savy, com abraços que eu quis dar desde a segunda vez que os vi, e quando me virei após dar um presentinho handmade pra Savy, respirei fundo e tentei segurar lágrimas. Subindo as escadas para o quarto do Hostel, elas ganharam e se mostraram.
Antes disso, no meu último sábado à noite, regado de Sra Sor (rice wine branco cambojano, eles têm mais alguns outros estilos; mas nenhum ganha do branco, uma delícia), chorei muitíssimo por perceber que meu tempo se esgotava, que não voltaria a ver meus amigos sempre, que não teria mais aulas de Chapei nem visitas às aulas e etc.
Antes de ir pro aeroporto, dando abraços finais nos companheiros de hostel, foi impossível segurar. Por um segundo que fosse. Chorei mais no Tuk-Tuk. E olhando pela janela do avião não me conformava em estar saindo.
Só continuando a analogia que fiz quando cheguei, é como terminar bruscamente o namoro que é certeza que daria em filhos e felicidade. Terminar no começo. Ou mesmo que seja só "um tempo", essa coisa de dar um tempo machuca pra caramba. Não é hora, poxa, principalmente quando as coisas iam tão bem!
Foi a primeira vez na vida que encontrei um lugar assim, que só me dá homesick quando eu volto pro que costumava chamar de casa, e que me faz chorar. Fico curiosa: estando lá, com quanto tempo teria pela primeira vez saudade do Brasil?
Eu ainda nutro aquela coisa linda, com orgulho e amor pelo Brasil. Mas o Brasil não teve nada a ver com a dificuldade de sair do Camboja. Disse tchau para o Dan e para a Savy, com abraços que eu quis dar desde a segunda vez que os vi, e quando me virei após dar um presentinho handmade pra Savy, respirei fundo e tentei segurar lágrimas. Subindo as escadas para o quarto do Hostel, elas ganharam e se mostraram.
Antes disso, no meu último sábado à noite, regado de Sra Sor (rice wine branco cambojano, eles têm mais alguns outros estilos; mas nenhum ganha do branco, uma delícia), chorei muitíssimo por perceber que meu tempo se esgotava, que não voltaria a ver meus amigos sempre, que não teria mais aulas de Chapei nem visitas às aulas e etc.
Antes de ir pro aeroporto, dando abraços finais nos companheiros de hostel, foi impossível segurar. Por um segundo que fosse. Chorei mais no Tuk-Tuk. E olhando pela janela do avião não me conformava em estar saindo.
Só continuando a analogia que fiz quando cheguei, é como terminar bruscamente o namoro que é certeza que daria em filhos e felicidade. Terminar no começo. Ou mesmo que seja só "um tempo", essa coisa de dar um tempo machuca pra caramba. Não é hora, poxa, principalmente quando as coisas iam tão bem!
Foi a primeira vez na vida que encontrei um lugar assim, que só me dá homesick quando eu volto pro que costumava chamar de casa, e que me faz chorar. Fico curiosa: estando lá, com quanto tempo teria pela primeira vez saudade do Brasil?
8 comentários:
Ah, Sofia, que apertinho no coração. Belo post. Eu não tinha lido ainda e complementa aquilo que falamos hoje a tarde.
Ah, mas você volta, não volta?
Ah agora descobri como entrar direitinho no seu blog! e voce já voltou! tristezinha ne? Vc escreve mto bonito!
bjs
barbara
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